Learning to Float
by Sambucivox
Summary: Haruhi has to babysit in a public swimming pool. Enter the Host Club to the rescue. But what will Kyouya do to stop Renge from running into an scantily clad and obviously female Haruhi? Translation of Naleeh's fic .Kyouya x Renge.


_This is a translation from Naleeh's story __Aprendiendo a flotar__. I loved it so much that I had to share it with the world –meaning, the people that can't read a word of Spanish.- This will be on my account only until she regains control of her life –meaning, until she's done with her exams and able to return to the fanfiction world.- _

_If you can read Spanish, I recommend you every single one of her stories. Specially this one, the wonderful __Contar estrellas de papel__ (a Mori-Haruhi lemon from where I stole her Morinozuka state in the woods for my fic __The Bonfire__), and __Maybe my love__, a crack fic about Chika and Satoshi._

_Oh, it's her second Kyouya-Renge, but the whole Host Club appears. It's hilarious, too. If you review, let me know if public swimming-pools are the same all over the world –I think they are a universal phenomena, like malls.- and if you've ever had to take care of two spawns of the devil like Shin and Junko._

_I'm a translator in the making, so grammar corrections and alternative punch-lines are welcome._

_Thank you very much to my wonderful beta Wraith. You would have suffered a lot of typos if it wasn't for him.  
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_ **Disclaimer: **_**Ouran belongs to the ingenuous and fertile brain of Hatori Bisco, whatever her real name is. This story has been crafted in Naleeh's mind (I think because of a challenge...) Shin and Junko are hers and only hers. The English translation is mine.  
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Without further ado...

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**LEARNING TO FLOAT**

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**S**hin and Junko were twins. They had barely turned six last February. And now the summer holidays had arrived.

The hot air crept in through every overture and slit of the apartment they lived in, which was probably pre-made in some serial factory. They were dirt cheap, but the person who stayed inside during the holidays ended up a roasted chicken, sweating like mad, dehydrating. Japan's weather during the summer can be horribly sultry. And Shin and Junko's house had no air conditioner, just as there wasn't either at their babysitter's, Haruhi Fujioka.

This year she'd been smarter than the last, and instead of heading to the mountains for a very unrefreshing part-time job, she choose to stay in her neighborhood and make some pocket money babysitting. It was hard because her neighbors didn't trust her a lot, mostly for her peculiar character and not at all because she was irresponsible... Basically, they couldn't picture her taking care of their offspring. But Shin and Junko's mom practically gave them away to her. And Haruhi ended up hating her after twenty minutes, because those two imps reminded her a lot of certain classmates. At least she knew that this job was for the better; no co-host would dare to disturb her in these circumstances: Rich hypocrites, small apartment minus air conditioner, two bad-ass kids and some horribly sticky hot weather weren't a plausible combination, were they?

Anyway, Haruhi's brand new part-time job reached the ears of the Host Club. Tamaki learnt about it third-handed; Kyouya told him about it after having an e-mail conversation with Ranka. When Tamaki figured it out, half of the world already knew about it, but that didn't stop him from organizing an outing to see Haruhi.

It was Fujioka's intelligent combination that made everyone step back.; and as Tamaki didn't want to go all alone to some commoner's apartment to sweat, they let it go... for the moment.

But Shin and Junko weren't going to bear a whole summer enclosed in their apartment, weren't going to stand the whole holiday on a tiny park that they had installed in the burning concrete patio and that blistered their butts every time they slid down the slide. And least of all they were going to spend it in their room. The kids needed to go out.

As the sea was far away and those buildings didn't have a communitary garden where one could get refreshed with a hose or with the sprinklers –and Haruhi knew that wasting water was expensive- one day the girl prepared a bag with a lot of stuff, towels and sunscreen, she put on a straw hat, an old shirt from her father that doubled as a dress and, with a kid tugging on each arm she went to her district's public swimming pool.

Every commoner knows that peculiar feeling of getting to the public swimming pool. You must turn your five senses to red alert. The first ones to suffer are the ears with that gibberish of screams, laughs, whistles and, of course, bomb-diving... A continuous splash which you don't know whether it's made by someone or if it serves as some kind of ambiental sound for the close.

Next comes the unmistakable slap of chlorine and cheap supermarket sunscreen. People tend to overdo the quantities of both things, even if they know that excess is bad. After that, as you go inside, even if you are wearing some kind of consistent flip-flops so you won't nail your feet on the pebbled path, your soles end up soaked in a sticky water, and you can't quite figure out how it has come that far from the actual pool. But you feel your feet steamy and poisonous in your plastic sandals, so by now the fungus and the water composition are nothing to you. Because what is really important is to find a good spot to leave the towel and your other stuff. A spot that is not too far away from the water, but not too close either. That's not under the red-hot sun nor completely in the shade. And that is very difficult... especially in a public swimming-pool.

But Haruhi, after arguing with some old hags rippled like raisins –which along with to the wooden color of their tanned skin made them look older than the Bible- got what she wanted and let fall, triumphant, the bag and the towels by the trunk of a tree.

"Mission accomplished!" exclaimed the twins in unison.

"It wasn't that difficult. But those grannies on the deck-chairs give me the hives."

"Ew! They must be the ugliest things on the planet Earth. Couldn't she find a better spot?"

"Stop complaining and being so uncouth with those poor elderly women and give that to me!" Tamaki snatched the binoculars away from the twins and he almost fell down to the floor when he saw, just beside Haruhi and the children, two fossils from the Jurassic in bikini _–which certainly would hurt anybody's sensibility-._ At least they weren't topless.

"Have you already found her?" inquired Kyouya. Though he didn't know what to think about Tamaki's shocked face. "Fine, then we'll wait for her to get out in a cooler place."

"There's an Italian ice-cream parlor very close. They have very tasty treats. Come on, it's not far away!" assured Hani with a radiant smile.

"What?" reacted Tamaki when he saw them motioning towards the parlor. "No way! We've come here to see Haruhi. We have to make the best out of her being in a public zone in the Exterior and not closed up in an apartment. Besides, why do you think that we're all dressed in our swimming trunks?"

The faces of the hosts drew a horrible smirk.

"Wasn't it so she wouldn't feel bad when we came for her?" said Hani with naivete. _–For him, wearing a swimming trunk was a way of sympathizing with the poor clothes that the girl was wearing today.- _The rest nodded, agreeable to this idea.

"Of course not!" roared Tamaki. "It's to swim with her and to protect her from the other's perverted gazes!"

"To swim there?" Kaoru pointed to the swimming-pools barely glimpsed from the exterior. "Tono, you're nuts."

"It would be much more hygienic to bathe in the Ganges than there with all those sweaty, smelly people. You'd surely contract something." Continued Hikaru.

"Commoner's public swimming pools are a cumulus of bacteria." Assured Kyouya to convince Tamaki, whose face looked sicker with every passing second. "And the chlorine they add to the water would turn your hair green. Not to mention..."

"Fungus," finished off Mori.

When they heard that, the twins started to scream and Hani clung to his cousin, very frightened.

"Oh my God!" finally freaked out Tamaki _–who'd been convinced-"_We can't allow Haruhi to bathe in there," exclaimed horrified. "This has become a rescue mission outing!"

"Yes, Sir!" They all got into their signature Firm position, except for Kyouya whose day had already been mangled.

"This is the plan," started the boy with his trademark pose, index in the air. "We'll order some plants that match the swimming pool's ecosystem to get a good camouflage; then we'll penetrate in disguise and we'll sneak behind the tree..."

"There's no time!" shouted the twins, interrupting him. Hikaru was looking through the binoculars. "Haruhi's already undressing!"

"WHAT?" grasped the blond.

"And she's doing it in front of everyone when she could go into the changing rooms!"

"She's got no shame at all!"

Actually, Haruhi had put on her bikini at home and she only had to take out the oversized shirt. She wasn't going to go into the changing room for that trifle. It took her a maximum of two seconds. When she pulled up from the seams to take the shirt off her head, the only things in her view were the two small twins, but when she recovered the panoramic vision of the enclose after getting lost inside the clothe, in front of her appeared something that _–she didn't really knew why-_ surprised her.

"Haruhi!" shouted Tamaki, hugging her as if her life was in danger. The girl couldn't even take her arms out of the sleeves.

She screamed, horrified. We still don't know if it was for the strangling hug of Tamaki or for seeing there the rest of her senpais.

"Do not go into the water!" he cried out, jostling her. "You'll get fungus!"

"Senpaiiiii! Let go! What are you all doing here?" she exclaimed, visibly disturbed.

"We've come to save you from the fungus, Haru!"

And before she could continue to protest, because the impression of meeting with them again had been too harsh, Mori lifted her and hung her body over his shoulder like a sack.

"Wait! I don't need anyone to save me from anything! I'm not going to catch fungus... so what if I do!" she rectified, somewhat insecure _–you can never be sure of that,, it's like the lottery.- _"Mori-senpai, put me on the floor, please! Besides, I'm working."

Shin and Junko, seeing their babysitter in the air, jumped towards Takashi _–yes, like the lions in the circus-_ so he'd lift them too. They thought it was great! They were so high!

"I want too, I want too!" they cried, charmed, sparkles raining out of their eyes. "Catch us, apa!"

And so, they stuck to Mori like common limpets and started to climb up. In the end, the poor guy was loaded with Haruhi, Hani and the tiny twins.

He decided to listen to Haruhi and put her on the floor.

"I've had more than enough with running into you no matter where I go!" spit the girl with fury. "Don't you have any other things to do? Are you really that bored?" _–Obviously, they were._

"Do we need to remind you about what Ouran rules say about part-time jobs?" Kyouya shut her up cunningly.

"Besides, this is a public swimming pool. Anybody can come in." Laughed the twins. "We've merely found you purely coincidentally." _–this was unbelievable._

Haruhi's face was angrier by the minute.

"That bikini looks very good on you, Haru!" exclaimed a very happy Hani, radically switching the subject. The girl was wearing a nice sailor ensemble with white and navy blue stripes. The bottom had red ribbons on the sides.

"Ah, thanks" she blushed a little.

"What are you saying!" reproached the twins. "The upper part lets you see that she's totally flat!"

"I didn't ask for your opinion..."

"Hey, miss Fujioka," called the kids from Takashi's elbows. "All those are your boyfriends?" asked the little chap, pointing at the Host Club.

"You've brought along a whole harem of sexy men," continued his sister. "We're gonna tell mommy! Miss Fujioka is a woman that plays the field!"

"What are you saying!?!"

"Fujioka the quarterback!" sing-sang the kids "Have you already slept with everyone? Who's the best in bed?"

Everybody's faces were frozen, undescribable. _–What do today's children learn in school? So much TV is bad for them.-_

"We're not her boyfriends," tried to laugh off an embarrassed Tamaki. "In fact, I'm her f..."

Haruhi put him aside with an elbow thrust.

"I don't need anyone to answer for me, senpai," then she looked at the kids. "They're some friends from high school. And they are leaving!"

"Aha... that's how they call it nowadays!" said the two children in unison. They had picked up that expression from the raisin grannies, who were in their turn very tuned into their conversation. It was better than the evening soap opera.

"Come on you two, climb down, you're bothering Mori. I've got to rub the sunscreen on you before you get into the water."

Both kids stayed where they were. In fact, the only thing they did was to give the evil eye to Mitsukuni, who was clinging to the other side of their new toy thing. –poor Takashi...-

"We're staying with him. We like him better than you, Fujioka the quarterback!"

Those kids were starting to get to Haruhi's nerves. She was trying to stay calm, but in that moment she felt the imperious need to kill. One drop of sweat fell down Mori's nape.

"He's not yours" snapped Hani, slightly annoyed with what they'd just said.

"Learn to share unless you want to be beaten, idiot." They dared to answer. _– those two are a pain in the ass.-_

"We'll see who ends up beating who."

This was a clear threat from Hani's part. The situation was getting out of their hands and that was rather bothering. Takashi ended up letting go of those two kids who were driving him crazy. When they fell to the floor and they hurt themselves they started to cry and they wanted to kick them all.

"Haruhi, keep them in line! They are yours!" asked the Hitachiins. Meanwhile, the old hags were shaking their heads and mumbling "So young and already with children..."

"Holy cow, no wonder why they are like that," and "I'm sure that she doesn't even know whom among them is the father..."

And so they went on, Kyouya trying to completely ignore this absurd discussion and wanting to walk out of that stenchy, choking hovel when he looked up and saw the worst thing that could have happened to make that day even more adverse.

Coming dangerously close to the spot where everyone was, sheltering under a lacy Charming Kitty parasol, wearing a Dior beach dress, the beach bag that Ribbon Magazine gave out and a look that clashed against that district's public swimming-pool was Renge Houshakuji.

Anybody would ask "What is she doing here?", so even Kyouya pondered. Then, he remembered that it was his fault. Last night he had been chatting with her deep into the night out of sheer boredom, and when she asked about Haruhi, he answered that they planned to visit _him_ the next day at _his_ district's swimming pool. Renge's reaction to this for-your-eyes-only information was quite MOE. But Kyouya had shrugged it off because he didn't think that that otaku would dare to go all alone to find her Fujioka-kun to the swimming pool... just to see _him_ –in exclusive and in a swimming trunk- babysitting. That proved that the otakism was more powerful than any danger found in a commoner's swimming-pool. Renge was a very brave girl. He would have recognized her the merit if it wasn't because, with her sudden appearance, many worries assaulted his mind:

1.If Renge was there it was because of him. He had let slip some valuable information and he had to rectify his mistake before the others took notice.

2.Renge didn't know that Haruhi was a girl, and for everyone's sake (even for the sake of Renge), she shouldn't find out.

3.Haruhi was wearing a bikini. Even if the girl was very flat, if Renge ran into her the evidence would be right in her eyes.

He couldn't allow it.

Not really knowing what he should do, and as the others had their hands full with those little beasts and hadn't noticed anything, he started to walk briskly towards Renge _–who was quite lost and scared-_ until he reached her.

"Kyouya-kun!" she was infinitely happy of his appearance. Just as a valiant prince riding a handsome white horse to rescue her, its silver mane floating in the wind._-Ouran girls have issues.-_

But what the boy did was to rushy tug her and take her with no chivalry at all to the furthest spot he could find inside the swimming-pool close. He took her to one of the many changing rooms _–which looked nothing at all like the Ouran's-_ and once inside it, he closed the door and slid the bolt closed.

Any girl would have thought something about this action. And Renge was like any girl. She thought it. Only that she would have never imagined that Kyouya would be able to act on such primal impulses, most of all in a place like this, she would have preferred some bushes. The changing room was tiny, humid and narrow. It was barely made for two persons. It had a wooden table, nasty, sticky and fully graffitied which worked as a sit. There were obscenities written in the door and in the walls too. But the worst thing was the smell. A stench of urine that crept through your five senses and nauseated your whole body.

Aside from the longing to puke that this place had over her, Renge became very nervous about Kyouya's action. So much that she stayed completely paralized, unable to say much.

"Kyouya... why... why did you bring me here?"

He faced her and for the first time he seemed to notice what he had done and where he was. His reaction was to cover his mouth and nose with the palm of his hand. Then, he tried to regain his self-control and he analyzed the situation. He couldn't tell Renge the truth, at least not the whole truth. A "I brought you to the worst place on the face of the planet so you don't see Haruhi, who is actually a girl" wasn't the best option, indeed. And if he added "I can't think of an alternative option for the moment", he'd flush his Shadow King reputation down the toilet.

He adjusted his glasses with an elegant touch.

"I brought you to the changing room... so you can change. You looked quite amiss, Renge."

"Oh, that's so nice of you, Kyouya! The commoner's places are so sinister... Both Haruhi and you are very brave men," she tearfully mumbled, thinking that it was quite good raw material for a doujinshi _-sheer victimizer, that's how the shoujo heroine feels all the time.-_ Then she noticed that the boy wasn't walking out nor taking his eyes off of her. She blushed, remembering what she had thought before. Only that now, prey of her own fantasies, she didn't hold it back.

"Are you going to watch over me while I undress?"

She almost killed Kyouya. He was running short of air _–I think that it was due to the place they were in.-_ He tried to pretend that he didn't hear anything...

"I'll wait for you outside," he smiled wearily. Not without scheming that to win time and to think about the best way to obstruct the girls running into each other, maybe it would be better for Renge to stay closed in for a while...but he wasn't a cruel person. So he'd have to do with the time that Renge took to change to think about a solution.

However, when he tried to slid the bolt open he couldn't. There was no human way of moving that. The metal was so rusty and corroded that he couldn't even figure out how he'd managed to move it before. Now both pieces were joint, almost as if they were the same.

A cold sweat run down his back. He stayed still, paralyzed, wanting to strangle someone, and the only name that came to his head was Tamaki's. Because it was his idea to go there. Even if Renge's appearance was completely his own fault...

"I'm going to kill him!" he suddenly shouted, spooking the girl. _–He needed to canalize all his rage against an aim... sorry, Tamaki XD.- _"The door can't be opened!" he said, pivoting towards it and throwing a punch over its surface... which was no use at all.

"What?" mumbled the girl, paling like a wax doll. "Don't tell me that... we're closed in?" she horrified, trying to move the bolt herself. But if Kyouya couldn't, she wouldn't be able to either... They really needed Hani and his hyper-bunny-kick. And neither Kyouya nor her were karate masters nor brutes.

"This can't be real, Kyouya, we're trapped!" repeated Renge like a whirlwind. The other was trying to keep calm while he struggled to open the bolt or knocked the door hard.

"Wait," he suddenly went calm, discovering the girl's bag. He'd left all his belongings under the tree among the other's stuff, but Renge still had her bag on her. "Lend me your backpack, Renge."

The girl obeyed, and sparkles almost flew out of her eyes. Kyouya sounded so manly and able that she was convinced that he would take her out of there in the blink of an eye. Like the most intrepid adventurer in the middle of the Amazonian jungle, Kyouya was going to...

"Didn't you bring your cell?"

"No," she kept smiling happy-go-luckily. He kept on rummaging.

"Beeper?"

"No."

"PDA?"

"No."

He was running out of patience.

"And what is this?" the boy took out a baby blue electronic agenda decorated with tiny stickers.

"Oh! That's my super compatibility agenda Doki-Doki." She snatched it from the hands of the boy and she looked at it full of pride. "It's a rare item. I won it in a Yahoo! auction. It calculates your luck, love, and what's more fun, you can input your birthday and the one from the character you like and it calculates the compatibility of your relationship." Renge dreamily sighed. "It also greets you, sings Happy Birthday and ... oh...! it wakes me up singing Doki-Doki-Waku-Waku. I installed it explictly for..."

While Renge went on with her one-sided conversation, Kyouya had finally gived in to desperation. He had stopped listening to her explanation when he heard the first Doki.

"Don't you have anything in here which can be used to find you or to ask for help?" he shut her up.

The girl blinked, confused.

"No..."

Kyouya put his hand on his front, defeated.

"So what if something ever happens to you?"

"Oh!" the woman got her bag back and took out a pepper spray. "This is for the foolish rapers! And this..." she took out her wallet and her credit cards. "... solves everything else. Ohohohoho!"

That was impossible. Renge had on a stupid electronic agenda which didn't even work as an agenda _–meaning, it was completely useless-_ and she had left her cell at home. And they were both of them, trapped in a nasty changing room in a commoner's swimming pool. What could he try? Cry for help? Knock the door off its frame? Bang his head against the wall to pass out and wake up at home?

"Kyouya..." she interrupted his gloomy thoughts. "When you said that about something ever happening to me... were you worried about me?" she asked completely unashamed.

"About both of us," he answered sincerely, regaining his self-control. She was quite happy with his response. "I hope that we won't stay in here for a very long time."

"What?" she freaked out again. "Does that mean that you sublime ingenuity hasn't yet found out how to escape?"

Her hopes were dashed.

This time he didn't answer.

The boy was meticulously analyzing the situation and the small grotto they were closed in. The only part that communicated with the exterior was the short gap between the roof and the door and the floor and the door. He wondered whether, in case they started to crawl, they would fit in there and not get stuck. _–He wasn't going to do that, there were limits to how low he was able to go.-_

He was getting thirstier and hotter with every passing moment. He felt sticky. His glasses kept sliding down the brick of his nose. He supposed that, judging by the girl's shiny face _–she looked like a blythe just out of the box-_ she should be going through a quite similar situation. It was a laughable situation, but he didn't find it a bit funny.

He kept silent for a while, quite angry, with his eyes locked on the floor and on the gap that led outside. That's why he noticed that leaking through one of the many slits that had the cast stonework and flooding a big part of the nasty floor was a puddle of rotten water.

"Renge, be careful not to step into that," he warned after noticing that the girl's feet were very close to it.

"Argh!" she suddenly stepped back when she saw the stenchful water and she crashed her side against the wall in her rush. Then she screamed because she had just touched the wall and pushed Kyouya when she tried to escape from it. They finished up with their flip-flops inside the puddle. "Aah, Kyouya," she started to whine. "I stepped in it, I stepped in it!"

"I'd already noticed that..." he sizzled between his teeth putting his feet out of the puddle and flooding the whole changing room it. The sooner he said it, the sooner she did it.

"Oh, Kyouya, what are we going to do? Do you think that this water has toxins in it?" she went on whining. "Will my nails fall off? What if they turn fuchsia?"

Renge wanted to take her sandals out and get rid of that poisonous humidity that had crawled into her flip-flops, but if she did she would be barefoot on that floor and that was more than she could have stood. That reminded her of the worst streets of India... but she wore two pairs of socks during that trip! And now she was actually barefoot! Besides, if she sat down on the wooden bank to not step on it, it was a given that she'd catch some kind of infectious infection and she'd go sterile or something even worse. _–what was this girl thinking about, really?!- _So she stayed up, sighing. After all, the only solution would be that she learned to float... and that was a little tiny bit impossible.

"I don't think so," the boy eased her anguish... until he added, "What commoners usually catch in public swimming-pools is fungus. The stakes are high for that, even if we were wearing sandals when we stepped into the puddle." He said that easily, as something inevitable and quite probable.

The girl went livid.

Her feet going fuchsia or her nails falling off seemed a nice option before that other possibility. In fact, she didn't really know what "fungus" was and what kind of effects it could cause over her skin. She'd heard about it before, yeah. But she always thought that it was far apart from someone like her. Not now, mind you. The word itself was very ugly. She imagined her pretty geisha feet covered in a greenish, mossy coat and a white fuzz while they whispered "fungus-fungus" _–which was the mother language of every mushroom in Renge's mind..-_It was goose bumpy. And the poor like Haruhi still dared to go to the public swimming pools, even knowing beforehand that dangers like those were lurking in there? She admired his courage! But she didn't have it...

Many seconds passed before she could actually react.

And then she screamed. She screamed with all her will. As if someone was going to flay her alive. She would have run around hysterically, but there was no physical room to do that and that would mean to step again into the puddle, touch the walls, etc... So the only thing that she could do was to move her arms up and down, very quickly, like a pigeon learning to fly to leave the nest. Meanwhile she kept on shrieking.

"Renge!" Kyouya tried to calm her down because he was getting sicker and more nervous for her fault. As if it wasn't enough to be closed in. "Renge, stay still!" he didn't tell her to stop screaming, maybe they'd be lucky and someone would hear her and rescue them. _–It was quite pathetic to be rescued from a changing room, but they should have heard her.-_ "Renge, calm down!"

He tried to get grip of her arms so she'd stop waving them all around when the girl jumped over him as if her glock had popped and grabbed him tangling her legs around his waist. When Kyouya felt all her weight over him he banged his head against one of the walls and he ended up half-leant against the nasty wooden table that pretended to be a bank..

"Don't let me touch the floor, don't let me touch the floor!" she kept saying, holding onto his neck so hardly that he was practically strangling him.

"Renge... you're choking me..." he struggled to say. But the other didn't let go. With all that limb waving Renge's flip flops fell to the floor. Luckily, both her feet and her were far away from it.

Eventually, Kyouya could push her back a little until their eyes locked and Renge apparently calmed down.

They were very close. Whether they wanted to be in that situation or not, they were hugging and their faces were separated only by a few millimeters. They were breathing harshly. Only then they noticed, and against all the stakes, Kyouya didn't let her go. He kept her firmly held up so she didn't put her feet on the floor nor did she touch the walls. Only him. His hands were grasping the soft and terse skin of her naked thighs which had bared the pushed-up to her waist cockle mess of her dress.

The feeling of the other's breath made them forget the place they were in. Against the other things that felt nice. Even if they were terribly hot –so much that they could have fainted- the one they were experiencing now felt better and more bearable than the steamy one that filled the changing room. That's why, making the most out of the little good things, Kyouya didn't pull away from her.

"Kyouya..." she whispered, quite embarrassed. Never before that moment she'd been so close to anyone. And he was looking very seriously at her through his glasses. He looked so madly handsome to her that she could have pigged out with rice bowls. "You saved me... I'm floating," because she certainly was in a cloud.

He didn't answer. He stayed nailed to the spot, his hands burning over the girl's skin. When he least expected it he was surprised by a caress from her, cradling his hair. It was surprisingly pleasant, so he let her go on. Then Renge came a little closer and brushed her lips against his. The situation they were in was so improbable and pathetic that this event was a minor one; he liked it. And when he decided to surrender to something so addictive, that saved him from this environment, and he closed his eyes, for a few moments he could forget about where he was.

Not having found a better way of escaping from there, he adapted to Renge's proposition.

They kept evading the world in a spiral of furthering kisses. Kyouya was relieved from the steamy air when the shaking hands of the girl started to unbutton his shirt. And he, out of his mind _–maybe it had been the head banging against the wall?-_ dared to slid one of his hands upper than her thigh, getting to the flat of her stomach...

Suddenly, a blow from the Exterior that knocked the door off its ribbons took Renge back from her dreamland and Kyouya back to the horrible reality. But both stayed with their hands where they were.

"Occupied!" snapped a very annoyed Renge for the boy's horror. _–He should kill her, now that help is coming!- _However, a new blow even stronger than the first managed to break the bolt out of its place _–obviously, commoners that usually go to the public pools have experience in those matters.-_ and the door opened wide bringing an unpleasant golden breeze from the outside and an extremely horrendous appearance.

Renge clenched to Kyouya even harder when she saw before her own eyes two abominable persons, old, brown and wrinkled like raisins, that left her with so many sequels that she never again could eat M&M's...

Oh, yes... They were the old hags in bikini... which they were planning to take out in any minute.

So the for of them went silent... paralyzed, exchanging gazes that told a lot. Specially if they analyzed the posture of the two younglings. But the ganguro grannies obviously had to express it verbally.

"Holy mackerel! Now they shag even in the changing rooms!" exclaimed one hag.

"This youth... they don't even care anymore with whom or where they get it on," the other shaked her head. "There they are, having blungling sex."

"Let's go, that one over there could rape both of us and not have enough."And only then Kyouya let go of Renge, who touched the floor barefeet and contracted the worldly sins, because, after all, he was no angel.

"I'm going to kill him!" roared the Ohtori, talking about Tamaki. Though he'd preferred to strangle the hags, who luckily left for another changing room leaving the door open. They were free.

"Kyouya..." then called the girl, blushingly and judging by the tone of her voice, even worried. That was enough for him to focus again and remember two very problematic and important things.

1.The original problem was still there. Renge and Haruhi were still in the same place and the second one was still wearing a bikini. They couldn't run into each other.

2.He had kissed Renge. And thanks to the old hags he had only kissed her.

"Renge, I'm so sorry..." he finally said. She opened her eyes wide, predicting yet another rejection from him. "It was my fault for telling you that we'd be here today. The changing room and the elderlies must have been a great trauma for you..."

"Oh, Kyouya! I was so scared. I'm so glad that you always were by my side..." she went on, returning to her common limpet self. "But it was the most moving experience of my life! Kya! What a wonderful story to tell our grandchildren! I think that I could eat three bowls of rice. I'll make a doujinshi for the posterity!

And the boy smiled wearily because after all, it could still be a great day. They hadn't yet lost a designator... And her idea availed him to have another one more genuine.

"Renge, I think that we should get out of here and have a calm chat. If you like it, there's an Italian ice-cream parlor very close and they have tasty treats." An offer that no one could refuse.

"Is that an invitation?" she reacted happily. He nodded.

"Wait for me outside, I'm going to get my stuff. This is not an appropriate place for anyone."

Only when Renge got lost at the other side of the closing fence and only then, Kyouya ticked the first problem solved and he went back to the spot where the others laid. That wasn't going to stay like that.

The waters had calmed since he disappeared. Haruhi was reading a book, Tamaki was doing the idiot, Hani was soaking his skin with the different sunscreens that Haruhi had brought along, Mori was lung-flatting a quite big floating lounger and the tiny twins, who had already have their first dive-in, now were resting, sitting on a towel and being lectured on how to be popular nowadays...

"Incest is what's in now," argued Kaoru while the kids nodded with wonderment. "You must make the best out of your ability. There's nothing that provokes collective hysteria more than two brothers confessing their mutual love. With a lot of luck, they'd even write you a mediocre fic with never ending chapters."

And as a visual example, Hikaru grabbed his brother by the chin without hurting him _–because you can't hurt anyone by the chin- _and forcing him to gaze directly into his eyes they improvised a very incestuous scene.

"Kaoru... I know that you get ashamed when I embrace your waist with people looking... that's why..." he leaned dangerously close to his earlobe and took it between his teeth.

"Hikaru..." moaned the other.

"Wow, you eat his ear!" clapped the siblings, completely thrilled.

"Your turn!" defied the twins. –_ because they are only six and Haruhi lets them do this things the other mothers didn't trust her with their children.-_

The small siblings stood up obediently.

"Come on, Shin..." encouraged Hikaru. "Say something sinful to your sister."

The little chap thought about it for a moment before pointing his index to his sister and shouting:

"Dance for me, bitch!"

The Hitachiin's heart sank. What kind of children were those? The worst of all was that she did as his brother told, and she started to merrily belly-dance, swinging her hips like a go-go. _– warning, she's only six.-_

"No, no, very bad..." they reproached scandalized. "That's very ugly!" they went on with their education class.

Then Kyouya arrived and the others noticed at that very moment that until then he had been amiss. No one suspected where he had been.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki was surprised when he saw him walking toward him with a raging face and with his badly buttoned shirt. "Where have you been? A green, hairy caterpillar bit me. I was very frightened."

He didn't answer, though he kneeled by the tree where his things were and took his stuff plus Tamaki's wallet.

"It's hot. I'm going to the ice-cream parlor to get something." _And it wasn't going to be on him..._

"I see, bring me an apple milkshake when you come back," smiled the blond, taking for granted that if Kyouya took his money he'd return with something for him.

"And I want a banana split! Two! No... even better... bring twelve!" smiled Mitsukuni. And Takashi nodded.

"And I want an iced-lemon drink." Added Haruhi. "If it's possible."

"And we..." began the twins.

At that moment Kyouya turned around with the same face that the Namahage has, showing them that he was no one's maid but an Ohtori, and none dared to say anything else. That's also why they weren't surprised when the boy didn't return... for the rest of the day.

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**The End**

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**Reviews? Corrections? Hand clapping and tearful rolling on the floor holding your stomach?**


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